its hard.

im living life in such a blur.

the littlest things seem to depress me.....

i feel so distant and left out of everything, and i can never find what to say, talk about, or joke about anymore..

i guess there was just one too many insults on my part..

i thought this would fade away eventually, but it wont.

and what sucks is...


i cant cry.

i just cant.
i was hoping it would make me feel a little better, but im unable to, im just blah.
im sad.
mad.
jealous.
everything!

but im unable to cry.

I Know what im going to do...

I obviously can't make it in the acting world, but i still have a passion for theatre... so i think i'm going to follow in the footsteps of my uncle...


I'm going to be a theatre teacher.

It makes so much sence!

I can still act on the side, and i can spread the arts.


To kick start this plan, i'm talking to as many professionals as possible for advice on this, and im getting out there(:

This is perfect!

21 questions for life, +1 :D

1. What is more difficult for you; looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel? Looking into someones eyes when they tell me how they feel. I hate pressure, and i never know what to reply to it.

2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. When someone hurt a really close friend to me, for no reason.

3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane.You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call? My dad, to tell him i love him and to thank him for everything he has done, and to tell everyone to not be sad when im gone.

4. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? a)No, not at all. I want them to see me as me, not as someone who is about to die. i know its selfish letting it hit them when i do die, but i want to live my life as normal as possible. b) Let everyone see who i am, and not hold anything back. Being a fool is the thing im best at, so im going to be as crazy as i want. c) No, i know its my time, and whatever i spent my life doing, was all spent absoultely perfect.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust/love. Love. Without it, i have nothing.

6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save the puppy(: My boss sucks if im fired for helping an animal, and i wouldnt want to work with someone that cold hearted anyway.

7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? the beach, somewhere nice and relaxing. to get away from everything.

8. Think of the last person who you really knew that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you? absolutely, my grandpa but i wouldnt spend the time with him, i would let him be with his kids again.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? NO. people don't like me, so why should I like myself?

10. Does love = sex? NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {Plain and Simple}

11. Your best friend dies, what would you do? Mourn, but also help other's greive.

12. When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt? When was it? How was it? I dont remember, but i told my friend EVERYTHiNG about me, and how i was depressed and felt hopeless.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back? Harder to tell them i dont love them..... i can have my heart broken a million times, and i would rather be shattered than to leave anyone with a slight crack in their heart.

14. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on? Music {everyone knows why} Im CONSTANTLY listening to it. i have NO musical talent, but i love to listen. It gets me out of the world im in, and into my own thoughts.

15. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? My dad this morning before i got out of the car.

16. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had “no regrets” what would it be? Staying that extra week :(

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who you gonna call? My brother, he will kick some booty:D

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? I would, but there is a risk of me killing them since idk CPR.

19. Are you old fashioned? Definately. Love-->Marriage-->Sex. Im staying pure, no matter what people say!

20. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before? True love, absolutely. Im left with memories rather than curiosity {in the words of Dom}

21. If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish? True happiness to everyone.... life doesnt need to be wasted on sadness.

22. Who do you want to answer this survey?

Breakups and Newcomings.

Obviously, Christain and i broke up.... THANK THE LORD!!!
That relationship was just awkward.

I planned to just stay single and have fun, but to my suprise, i met someone new!! :D

Well, to leave this short and sweet, We met, we clicked, went on a date, and now....
I have a boyfriend.

Interesting, huh?
Haha.