Awww poo....

I found out i get to spend a majority of my Christmas Eve babysitting the son of Satan...... LOVELY.


i never do enough around here i guess. although i spend almost everyday babysitting against my will.

stupid step mother told me i need to do more.


IM ONLY 14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE DOESNT REALIZE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



ugh. i hope she has fun living out her childhood now. *ask and ill explain later*



RAWR.

Okay Bro.!

i have reached a new point in my life.

Last night, i cussed someone out. GUESS WHO.!

Josh Johnston.

yes. i totally cussed him out.!

But dude. i have my reasons!!!!

• He told me he never loved me.
• He said he FELT like he did. but didnt.
• He put me through alot of crap and guilt when i didnt say i loved him back at times, for nothing.
• He told me that one time he got really..... happy..... and wanted to show me. (Normally people would have drawn the line here. but i needed to hear more. i need more truth in my life, you know?)
• He told me that all he ever wanted from me was...........physical love. (Well folks, at this point i was boiling with anger.)

This boy brought out the BEAST in me (Dude... not the good kind!)

So i cussed that poor little mofo out. and i just crushed him and made him the little man that he truely is. He will suffer for all he has put girls through over the years. He will get his KARMA.

After a night of sleep after this, i was having a good day. [despite the 2 totally different plans to go to the movies failing.] And i did text Chris for a while, which made me feel better.

Then guess what.... That butthole (*Josh*) had the nerve to text me. and later on just letting it "slip" that he loves me?! Then covering it up by saying he meant to say it. [we were talkin abt my singing voice] He is trying to make me think he is sad and still loves me.

WHAT A RETARD!

he obviously doesnt know me anymore, i dont fall for that crap anymore. and if he EVER asks me to do anything nasty (i.e. reference me to doing porn when all i said is that i couldnt find my camera to film something!) EVER AGAIN i will get my daddy && I to go ALL THE WAYY to Forney and beat the crap over him! [or get him to run over the farttart with his truck]

***btw.... my dad doesnt know about this.***

haha. anyway. im pretty good now. it feels good to take a stand :D i am a changed person. for the better! (:

♥TONiTHETiGERR

p.s. Kim, if your reading this.... THE CANDY BRACELET YOU GAVE ME iS THA SHiZZ!

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

A CERTAIN PERSON IN MY LIFE MAKES ME SO FURIOUS THAT I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[[IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHO AND WHY. JUST ASK. THEY MAY BE READING THISSS!!!!]]

Well Readers.

I am dearly sorry for the recent posts. I have had alot of drama in my life concerning this one.... boy. And i guess that i can now tell that yall dont enjoy it.

so i will stop writing about it.

I am NOT over it. but i will stop bringing it up and deal with it on my own....


from now on.

Happier Posts.
♥

If you were wondering....

why i have been so depressed.

its because of one simple thing:



I GOT MY HEART BROKEN AGAIN.

and it seems as if the shorter i know them, the more i get attatched, and the harder it hurts.

Hello World!

Ive been thinking differently about life alot since ive last posted.
I havent talked to the ex in so long i dont even remember anything about him.
I moved on and found a new crush. [in which no one shall know]

But instead of being depressed all the time. Im just having little spells of it.
It kinda sucks though, the insecurity and negativity comes and goes, but everytime it comes back it seems to grow.
Perferably, i wish it would just go.
People seem to say all the time, "just make it go! you have the power to do that!" but i just cant... and i dont know why. it seems to come second nature to me somehow.

What made me feel a little better though.... When i was tellin someone that ppl have been calling me ugly behind my back so much that i am starting to believe it.
You know what they said...?

"Oh come on Toni... That's not true. And you know it. You could have it way worse!"

And they said it with such meaning. (:

Also... today my dad randomly came in and gave me a buttload of flowers!! [ive always loved getting them, and its been so long since i have gotten any.] And it made me kind of better.


But there is some major drama that popped up yesterday that is kinda hard to get over. so at this point.... its just a waiting process.

*updateeee: right when that "person" said that love sucks and they wish i could find that one prince guy.... the song love stinks came on.... but then first date. Why must everything be sooo confusing?!?!!?!?!?!?*

I feel like just curling up in a ball and crying it all out.... but it doesnt work anymore! it just makes things worse.

HAHA.

i humor myself.


its funny how i waste so much time on things that have no chance, and actually (get this) BE HAPPY. isnt that horrific?

ME....HAPPY?


it just doesnt go together anymore.

Halloween parties are buttloads of fun

Wow.... check out kims blog to find out what went down there!!!

it was crazy. but i think i have learned alot from this though.

when i needed ppl the most, they were there. (even the simplest actions helped)

• I was freezing, and kim gave me her blanket.
• I was crying on the swings and cathy, julia, and laura came over and comforted me.
• Laura gave me Eric (Teddy) and her robe. (cold again)
• and chris was just there, comforting me the whole way, and vise verca.

i guess this makes you appreciate who you have :D

yay!

i wrote josh a letter. and it turned out really well. it feels good that it makes his spirits a little higher reading it.
(:

Hm.

Nothing really new to post abt.

im really excited for Friday (:
[but i wont look awesome... i didnt get to have my haircut!]

Hes....

Gone. Its kind of a numb feeling. i feel like he is just gonna come back from a friends house... but hes not coming back for three months, will be here for 2 weeks, then gone again. :/ its not like hes dead, but its just heartbreaking... at least my dad is starting to feel better.

It only takes time..

For Cathy!

My Costume!!!

my feet hurt!

today i went walkin around the WHOLE neighborhood with Whintnay! she is awesome...... some interesting stuff went down.

• We got called various bad things by some seventh graders! [i told them to go back to recess.... what nerve!!!]
• i wore my Drill stuff. and its all black so i look like im wearing a dress [a REALLY short dress!]
• Some guy was driving and went slow and looked cause he thought i was wearing no pants
  XD
• WHiTNEYS HOUSE iS AMAZiNGG!!!!
• Tiffani asked me abt josh. [she overheard his MOM talkin abt me at the game last night!!!] Tiffani is kewl now though (:
• I walked in the door and my little brother told me i look really pretty (:
• Its josh's last weekend here ):

Imma be a mess on monday b.c of josh.... [ily♥]

and the list above isnt in order btw.

♥

Awwwww....

Poor amber... i saw her crying today.. i hope she is okay. she is really nice and never hurts anyone. :/..... i wish i could help in some way.

Besides that. i feel kinda good right now. i totally vented on my to whom this may concern blog :D

I saw menshew today!!! he is still awesome!! :D
[and totally my neighbor!]

I cant wait till this weekend. i get my costume [gonna look AMAZiNGG] and my haircut!
(you-know-who is gonna DiE when he sees me!!)

Awesomeness.... here i come!!!

And also, me and cathy have been talkin more again...yay!!!

[we still on for Cali?]

Dry erase markers suck when they get on your pants!

And so does being single. i kinda miss havin a man you know? Breanna, who would say ALL THE TiME how she was gonna be single forever and is never gonna get a boy, is now the one havin all the guys beg at her feet for a chance to be with her. But also, she would say how i was the pretty one... that im gonna be the one lucky in love.

You can see how that turned out.
:/

Oh well... life goes on and wounds heal and all that such nonesence.

Anyway, i have pulled myself away from those certain ppl. if they want to talk to me... they will. Until then. Too bad! :D Im actually proud of myself. Im finally taking a stand in my life... (:

And i got new songs on my blogs. I will update them every few weeks. so you wont get too sick of them!!

[Jennay if you are reading this... sub to my other blog!!]
♥

Rawrz.

I gotta cold.
icky.
haha.
I feel good though. Yesterday i chatted with Jennay for a rele long time abt stuff. she is makin me feel alot better abt my very horrible situation. [although, not even solved... but im halfway there!]
She is friggin awesome! (:
(Her and Kim saved me from the...."person"..... and thank yall 4 that!)


Besides that, i got alot of my homework done and ive been listening to alot of Rent songs lately, and that always cheers me up. (As long as no one sees me dancing and singing along!!) Heehee.
♥

Well...

Ive been thinking about this new project... I am going to be taking a picture of myself for a month..

Pretty soon im gonna put up a link to it so you can see the updates...
♥

Ow.

I have a headache... again
Stupid ear infection.
Not much gonna happen today.
Im on friggin house arrest cause im sick.
Blah.

RAWRRRRRRRRR

i cant take this much longer!!!!!

• Kevin is still mean.
• The "person" is STiLL ignoring me
• Random ppl are calling me ugly now!
• Im believing im ugly

this never goes away does it...?

♥

Foam explosions are awesome!!!

Today i hung out with Breanna, Alex, and TEAM VCS [woo hoo!!!] This one dude Evan, totally made a bottle of foam art stuff EXPLODE!!!! it was awesome. and i took some and smeared it on Cullen- he didnt seem to mind too much. Josh is talking to me again :] *but now i think hes mad again... i will never win* that other person is still ignoring me... and that will be for a while. Oh well :[

And my blog is unlocked!! YAY!!!!

Well, thats abt it.

**TONiTHETiGERR**

p.s. i WANT A HAiRCUTT!!!!! ):

♥

You have GOT to be kidding me?!?!!??!?!?

my other blog got locked!!!! and i have to wait a long time b4 its unlocked....

this aint fair man.

blah.

[my project is still not done!!!!] :(

♥

Good News Folks!!

My headache is finally gone... and life is looking up for me finally. yay!!! but there is some downsides....

BAD

• [the person still wont talk to me.]
• And i need to do my project. [rawrs!]
• ALSO... im still frightened to talk to someone.

besides that... there is some ups!

GOOD

• My headache is gone!!! :D
• I got free silly foam!!!
• Kim might have her "get together"
• I actually had the guts to talk to another male in question.
• I made a grilled cheese....and DiDNT BURN iT!!!!
• I got music on my blogs!!

♥

Ugh.

Life is pretty sucky....

• ive got a migrane
• im scared to talk to someone i would talk to alot b4
• a joke went horribly wrong
• i feel bad....

When will this all end??

♥

Some Crazy Stuff Is About To Go Down....

I have another Blog too.
[got the idea from the awesometastic Kim]
check it out!!

http://to-whom-this-may-concern.blogspot.com/
♥

wow. :/

Posts have been beyond me lately. but some interesting things happened...

• Breanna and Josh went out for an hour or so [long story]
• There are sooo many guys wanting to do...unmentionable... things with her.
• I have the names of all my ex boyfriends on each toe.
• BREANNA iS FORCiNG ME TO ASK SOMEONE OUTT!! [I will not tell you who..]
• Today.. is going to be interesting.... :/

I need mental help. (:

♥

Crazy, isnt exactly the right word...

Yeah, this weekend was PACKED.

Friday

• Drill Practice [had to wake up at 6 in the freaking morning!]
• I came to school in a dress and looked TOTALLY amazing. thank you :] (i ended up doing my hair 3 times during the day!)
• Came home, went outside for a bit, and saw that my friend [who shall not be named] had a picture of....man vegetables.... burned into his arm. what a dork :P
• I get dressed UBERR fast, and left for Memorial, and ate some Micky Dee's rele fast!
• Sat at the game, bored, and performed [we were AWESOMEE] Then later on met up with Kim, Chris, Blake, and some other pplz idk.
• Kim eventually came to her rightful place, with me!! but left moments later.
• I ended up gettin home at 10 or so. [with my legs covered in mud!--thanks Josh...]
• And then... i passed out :]

Saturday

• Hung out with one of my bestiess, Breanna. Cause i was bored and thought i wasnt goin to the movies after all. [it would have been weird with just me and Chris, no offence.]
• Eventually found out i AM going to the movies, this time with Kim, Breanna, Blake, and Chris [MUCHH better... :D]
• We saw The Dark Knight... very nice movie =) very...enjoyable. Although i went through a lifetime of emotions.
• By the time it was done me and Kim had to go to the bathroom... so we ran there... and came out [admiring the awesome tampon/maxi pad/ lip balm/lotion/everything else you can think of machine.]
• I explained Sprinkles to everyone, and then we all went home... it was pretty fun.

Sunday

• Homework
• DRAMA
• And MORE Homework!!

Not very interesting. But it was okay if you ask me.

♥

The BiG Day...

Tomorrow is freaking me out!!!

im sooo nervous abt alot of things.

-truth
-the game
-if ill look good in my dress [which i got from the one and only KATiE.]

golly gee....
♥♥♥

[not to mention...... IM BEiNG STALKEDDD!!!!!!!]

The poem... [or short story thing... whichever you prefer]

I stumbled across this poem virtually on my computer today.... its very depressing really.
I wrote this for a special someone a while back... its kind of a sweet sorrow if you ask me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We may not have a song but our Love is a song in itself

YOU are that number one hit that people will remember forever

And Your voice is the soft melody that lifts my heart

Your kind and heartfelt words spoken to me are the UNFORGETTABLE lyrics WAY beyond kareoke!

Everytime you say I Love You, its that high note that SO MANY try to hit

But most wont succeed

So you can call me your CRAZZY number one fan but i will be PROUD Of it!

But every tear shed. Or Crazyy, Sweet, or Awkward Moments experienced are just Obstacles or that amazing Inspiration to write or find that PERFECT song.

But when you do...

Its the most Beautiful Thing in the world.

On May 31, although I didnt know it then...

I FOUND IT

So with every verse sung-

I pray to God I will NEVER forget a lyric.

A day beyond boredom!

Today was as boring and bland as ever. it was kind of a daze... [besides the fact i explained to McFadin, Erika, and Whit what my "Sprinkles" thing means.]

OH MY GOSH.

We had this sub that did absolutely nothing in Biology.
So me, Erica G, Kelsey, Allie, and Whitney sat there, painted our nails, ate sour patch kids, talked, and texted ppl.

[and we got the answers from some smart kid]

but thats about the most interesting thing to happen.

[the drama is still going on.... sadly :/]

BEHiND ENEMY LiNES

This is a very scary place for sure.... me and josh have been fighting today constantly over his hypocritical attitude towards me. Heres a downplay....



*We loved each other

*He broke up with me because of the distance issue

*He gets a new girlfriend not even a WEEK later!

*I was under the impression that he cheated and yelled at him

*He breaks up with her and then i find out from his EX that they got back together 2 days later

*He tells me he doesnt love me and expects me to be okay

*Now that he thinks i have a CRUSH on someone, he "loves me" and im the bad guy here

*Instead of acting like an adult [we r teens, but its more mature] He leaves instead of talking it out.

Because of this one guy i have had my heart broken, and had more friends pissed at my attitude more than ever.... i hate it!! Seriously... i need to stay out of the war zone.

But i just cant

is it so bad to fight for what you love? and to think of yourself for once......?
****Why cant they be together?!?!?****

Starting out

If you don't already know me... my name is Toni [a.k.a. ChiChi, Chewy, Toniqua, Sprinkles, TONiTHETiGERR, Tinkerbell, weird chick.] I've got more nicknames than fingers on my right hand! And im actually really proud of that. I've got a bunch of awesometastic friends with too many inside jokes to count! [ex. Fetus Bacon!---im the proud creator of that one] Yes, ive been through a rough heartbreak that no one my age should go through, and still be struggling with. But i have a bunch of amazing people to stand at my side and deal with my crazy mood swings. I can be the kinda girl that you can either love or hate, it all depends on what mood im in :D. And i love pink... and bright colors. its what i do! and yeah... i can be weird, crazy, and MAJORLY hyper... but i guess thats what im loved for anyway.